Wrestling with Destiny: The promise of psychoanalysis

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Can psychoanalysis help people control their destinies?

Using empirical evidence from neuroscience, Lucy Holmes makes a powerful argument that it can. This book considers the various ways in which destiny is linked to the repetition compulsion, and how free association in psychoanalysis can literally change the mind in ways that can help people reshape and take control of the future. Freud� s psychoanalysis is revealed here to be startlingly modern in its consonance with the latest findings in the study of the brain.

The compulsion to repeat can propel human beings toward destinies they would never have consciously chosen. The tenacity of this human tendency can inhibit our ability to meet life’s challenges. These challenges include our gender; an inability to master the complexities of loving and the strains of marriage; fears regarding the impertinence of being successful; the unconscious, reptilian pleasure we derive from going to war and raping the planet; and the inexorable decline and decay of our mortal flesh.

This book argues that the evolved talking that occurs in the psychoanalytic process can change the chemistry and structure of the brain in a way that helps the talker face these challenges and take charge of his or her own destiny. The author presents a cogent hypothesis spanning brain and mind to clarify how the basic rule of psychoanalysis - "just say everything" - can actually cure. This will appeal to mental health professionals such as psychoanalysts and psychotherapists, and students at the post-graduate level, as well as the general interested reader.

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Wrestling with Destiny: The promise of psychoanalysis Review

Destiny in this book is not about how an emotionally mature person might express their creativity. It's about the repetition compulsion or fate to repeat patterns learnt in childhood in order to handle them. For example, one woman kept marrying men who reminded her of her mother hoping to change the pattern she learnt to "finally get a happy ending with her."

"The compulsion to repeat the old, sad story over and over again is fueled by the hope that this time, finally, the ending will be different. We will master the situation, triumph over it, make people who are incapable of love, finally love us. pg 16

Chap two theorizes that it's easier for the boy to separate from the mother due to body differences while the girl needs to work harder, internally in her mind, to master the separation.

Chap three looks at specific women's issues including eating disorders, for example how anorexia can be seen as a form of protest; fashion as a way of creating the illusion of perfection in order to deny vulnerability and to hide the pain of not knowing how to love and be loved; plastic surgery as an attempt to have power over others; the lack of respect that takes place during hospitalized/medicalized child birthing; menopause as a developmental opportunity for love, wisdom and maturity.

Chap four discusses the psychological journey of how a narcissist can learn to love. "... narcissists see other people ... as symbolic breasts, objects to be sucked dry to alleviate a perpetual and insatiable hunger. Narcissists yearn to be loved, totally oblivious to the fact that the real joy in life, the thing that gives it its savor, is not being loved, but loving. One of my patients told me, 'There's no such thing as love. It's only need or greed.' I knew he was talking about his own inability to love."

Chap five takes a closer look at love relationships and includes the concept of "negative union" warning that a lifetime can be spent trying to change a partner where "... nagging and attacking a mate ... can feel like a form of intimacy ... [in a lifetime project] of trying to right the wrongs our early objects perpetrated against us."

Chap six explains why one might have a fear of success. "Being unsuccessful is almost always an unconscious communication to an early object. Failure is a very handy way to enjoy revenge against father or mother. It expresses the idea, 'You were a terrible parent; therefore, I will torture you with my unhappiness and lack of fulfillment. I will never give you the pleasure of thinking you might have any responsibility for my accomplishments.'"

Chap seven looks at projection on a broader scale. Chap 8 reminds us of our mortality and Chap 9 puts things in perspective by balancing the benefits and realistic expectations of the talking cure.

Although the case studies given in this book are composed from the author's rich and famous clients, I think many people will be able to relate, to one degree or another, to their stories of searching for their true selves.

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